#im sorry that last reblog just... just really. Made me so sad.

[n0thingbutlov3]

need you now | 2 |

in which readers true feelings are revealed.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader warnings/tags: angst again (whoops) miscommunication (it’s short dw) fluff, reader is hungover lol, spencer is handsomely disheveled (moans) mentions of blueberry muffins being readers favourite type of muffin (sorry for not being vague but also if you don’t like blueberry muffins??? why) some tears, some swearing, some kissing, suggestiveness at the end of you squint (WHOOPS *evil smirk*) no use of y/n!! wc: 2.1k a/n: call me slim shady because i am back!!! i procrastinated writing this because i was scared everyone was secretly judging my writing and actually hated it and a second part would be a stupid idea but THEN i realised that was a little bit silly so im here B) part one got over 1000 notes (INSANE) all the support has been so so lovely—every note, reblog, and comment means the world to me, thank you!! i hope this part is okayy, feedback is always appreciated :) i hope you enjoy it you choose to read!!! <3 p.s kissing scenes are so difficult to write, i think i done absolutely awful!!!so let’s ignore that…. if you haven’t already and you’d like to, you can read part one here!

Your eyelids twitched as the early morning sun filtered through your bedroom. What was usually a calming wake-up call now felt like being blinded.

You burrowed your face into your pillow, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to dull the throbbing in your head. This is why you didn’t drink often.

Asides from the obvious headache and nausea, you always seemed to wake up with a sense of dread; ‘hangxiety’—a friend had called it once. It was creeping up on you now, and even though you weren’t sure exactly what you had done, you knew it was bad. You flipped onto your back, fixing your gaze to the ceiling as if it could tell you what irreparable mistakes you had made last night.

It couldn’t, of course. The only thing you had realised is that you should probably coat it in a new layer of paint soon.

“How’re you feeling?”

You shot up, eyes widening at the sight of a man in your doorway. A man whose sleepy voice and disheveled hair threatened to make you melt, but a man who should not be in your doorway, nonetheless; Spencer.

Your brain was quick to supply you with information then, your memory coming back in hazy remnants. You were upset so you…called Spencer for the first time in months. Yikes. He didn’t answer so you turned to a bottle of high end whiskey instead—yikes, again—and passed out on your couch, only to wake up to your ex-boyfriend in your apartment. Cue more sobbing, a pathetic attempt at asking—no, more like begging—him to get back together with you, and that was it. Well, mostly. There was also the promise of discussing your breakdown in the morning. The morning, which was now.

What the fuck.

“Like I’ve been napalmed.” You weren’t sure you were just referring to your raging hangover.

That prompted a raspy kind of chuckle from him and Jesus Christ—you really shouldn’t have called, because it was going to be infinitely harder to watch him leave when he inevitably told you you were sad loser who needed to get a grip and move on—except, he’d be a lot nicer than that, wouldn’t he? Because even if things were over between you, he was still the sweetest person you had ever met and he’d never say anything to intentionally hurt you. Maybe things would be easier if he did. If he wasn’t so sickeningly perfect—if he just insulted you in the way you were certain you deserved, then maybe you’d get over him quicker.

“So, I-ah-uber’d breakfast—“

Your inner turmoil came to a screeching halt at those words.

“You uber’d? You?”

He scoffed, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“The team’s been very into it lately and I always finish my paperwork first so it only makes sense that I—stop laughing! I can uber!”

“Sorry! I just can’t imagine the great Doctor Reid stooping to the levels of a fast food delivery app. Do you ever order to the wrong place?”

“No.” he said, unconvincingly. “Well, only once—“

You were laughing again.

He whined, turning on his heel.

“Just take your aspirin and hurry up!” He grumbled petulantly as he left the room, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

After a quick freshen up and taking the pills placed on your bedside table—as per his request—you padded through to the living room, joining Spencer on the couch.

You gasped delightedly as he pulled out muffins from a brown paper bag. To be more specific, blueberry muffins; your favourite.

“Did you know that blueberries are good for fighting hangovers? They’re rich in vitamin C, which helps break down and metabolise blood alcohol. Muffins too, they—what? Do I have something on my face—“

“No! No, sorry,” You had been caught staring—ogling, more like. “I just missed…that.”

“What? My incessant rambling?” He was joking, but you could hear the insecure twinge in his voice—the one that told him he was too much. Over the course of your relationship, you had showed him that he didn’t have to think like that around you—that he was never too much; he was perfect in your eyes. You hated that he doubted that now.

“Yes, actually.” You tried to keep your tone light, unserious. But there was nothing unserious about just how badly you had missed the man sitting beside you. How you could hear his voice in your mind when you drove late at night, giving you statistics on accidents. Or how on other late nights, you swore you could feel his hands ghosting over your skin—only to find out it was your imagination.

If he could see how truthful you were being, he didn’t acknowledge it, turning his attention back to the coffee table.

“I’ll, um, save you the facts on how beneficial coffee is for hangovers, anyway.” He smiled awkwardly, shuffling a paper coffee cup to where your muffin sat.

“Thank you,” you mumbled, “for the coffee, not the withholding of information—i’m a real fiend for coffee facts…especially when they’re related to curing hangovers!” You said a little too cheerily, trying to alleviate the awkward tension. Although, that only seemed to make it worse.

Spencer just huffed out a little laugh in response, taking the wrapper off of his muffin.

The rest of breakfast went by in silence. Not the comfortable silence you always seemed to have with Spencer—when you were together, you reminded yourself—but a strained one. The kind of silence that occurs when there’s something left unsaid, and you’re just waiting for someone to spit it out.

Spencer broke first.

“So we should probably talk…about last night.”

You finished the remainder of your coffee, setting the empty cup down before turning your whole body to Spencer, tucking your legs up underneath you.

“Right, yeah…”

A beat passed, Spencer’s eyes darting around your face—assessing you.

For someone who had imagined this conversation in your mind countless times, you certainly weren’t saying much.

“I—uh…was very drunk.”

Something in him shifted, like he was putting up imaginary walls.

“So you didn’t mean…any of it?” His brow furrowed, his nose twitching slightly.

“Well no, but I—“ You what? Meant every word you said and more? You couldn’t just say that. You had just got a small part of Spencer back and you didn’t want to ruin it by coming on too strong.

He waited for you to add something, anything, to show him that maybe, maybe there was a tiny part of you that still wanted him as badly as he wanted you. But you didn’t. You just sat there, playing with the fabric of your—his—t-shirt.

He couldn’t do it.

He was so tired of loving people only for them to leave like he had meant nothing to them. Was that all he was to you? Someone you could call when your inhibitions were lowered, looking for comfort? He would do anything to be back in your life again, but he couldn’t be a person of convenience; someone you only wanted when you were lonely.

He ran a hand through his hair, swallowing down the tightness in his throat.

“You were drunk and you got carried away, I get it. I think I better go though—“

“What? No, I—“ You bobbed your mouth like a fish, trying to find the words necessary to keep him here. There were too many of them and yet none at all. None except for three. Three words that you wished you had the courage to say months ago, or weeks ago, or last night. But you never claimed to be a courageous person, and you weren’t about to spill your heart out again only for it to end up in rejection.

Spencer stood, making his way to your bedroom to grab his shoes and coat. He didn’t care about his other clothes, he could buy more—he just needed out before he broke.

You sat dumbfounded on the couch, willing yourself to do something, say something. It was like you were frozen. And you stayed frozen. As Spencer shuffled around your bedroom, as he returned to the living room—completely avoiding your gaze—even as he searched for his keys. You hadn’t realised he had driven over here. He didn’t usually drive unless he had to get somewhere urgently. Were you someone worth seeing urgently to him?

He picked up his keys, heading for your door and only then did you realise how dire the situation was. If he left now you weren’t sure he would ever come back.

“No—wait, Spencer!” You stammered, lunging off the couch to try and stop him. He unlocked the door, moving to leave when you grabbed onto his jacket sleeve.

“Please don’t—I love you!”

“What?”

He turned to face you and you noticed just how wrecked he looked—not at all dissimilar from how you had for the last few months. Had he looked like that the whole time?

You must’ve been staring because when you came back to your senses he was calling your name exasperatedly.

“Do you mean it?”

You were fed up living like this; harbouring so much love for someone and not being able to express it. Even if he didn’t love you back, even if he was over you, you couldn’t go another moment without at least telling him how you felt.

“Yes,” you heaved, “I love you—I never stopped loving you, I was just…” You knitted your brows together, unsure how to phrase what you were feeling.

“I’ve never loved someone the way I love you and that’s…terrifying. I thought the way I felt was wrong, like—when you were on cases, I missed you so much, more than I thought humanely possible and—well, I never wanted to be the kind of girl to base her happiness on another person because that’s how you get hurt. So, I thought the only way to combat that was by…distancing myself. I thought if you weren’t in my life anymore then I’d be able to get a grip and become more independent—“ you huffed, trying to stop the wobble of your voice. “but it didn’t work, because then I was just missing you twice as much, except I couldn’t see you at all—“

“You could’ve answered my messages, we could’ve—“

“So you could return your key? Then things would actually be over. Why do you think I ignored your messages?”

“Why do you think I kept messaging? Angel, I was never going to return that key—at least not willingly—I just wanted to see you, to see if you were doing just as horribly without me as I was without you. You know, I couldn’t even focus on cases—Hotch even suggested I take some time off.”

You frowned, your voice impossibly small. “I’m sorry.”

He took a step toward you, cupping your cheeks in his hands.

“Don’t apologise, you were dealing with your emotions in the best way you knew how. I just wish…” he swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. “I wish I hadn’t let you go so easily.”

His eyes were shining and—God, you wished you could take it all back. All the pain you had caused him, caused yourself, just because you were too scared to talk about your feelings.

“I wish I hadn’t left.” You blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill from your eyes. “Y’know, I read a book on astrophysics because it reminded me of you. I didn’t understand any of it but I couldn’t put it down. I still—“ you let out a watery chuckle. “still have it in my bedroom somewhere.”

Spencer smiled, swiping under your eye at a tear that must’ve escaped.

“Yeah? Maybe I can read it to you—help you understand it.”

“I’d like that.”

You didn't know much about celestial bodies or the ultimate fate of the universe, but you could've sworn you'd seen the stars pictured in that book in Spencer’s eyes when he looked at you.

“Say it again.” He mumbled, tilting his head down so that your faces were just inches apart.

“I love you.”

And then his lips were on yours, impossibly soft and everything you had been missing since you had broken up. He kissed you like you were the oxygen he needed and all you could do was sigh into him because you knew the feeling.

He leaned back all too soon, resting his forehead against yours.

“Well, I should probably go—“ He smirked, but you cut him off before he could continue his teasing.

“You’re not funny.”

He narrowed his eyes, sucking his teeth.

“I don’t know, I—“

You pressed a firm hand on his chest, bunching the cotton of his t-shirt into a fist.

“Stop. Stay—we can have a pyjama day and maybe for dinner, you can show me just how tech savvy you’ve become and uber us some food—“

He rolled his eyes, kicking the door shut before pressing his lips to yours with more force this time.

“Stop talking.”

[crazymuffin1]

this post is for people who wonder what the hell is going on with the venom movies/fandom because they havent watched it

if youre seeing it on your dash and dont want to scroll very long press J. if youre on mobile. cope.

venom the last dance is the third movie in the venom series and people who haven't watched the movies are probably wondering whats going on. whoever you're following has probably posted or reblogged some sort of eddie brock x venom thing. yes of course. mlm ships are popular and theyre the main characters. of course theyre gonna get shipped. just like stucky or other hot main male characters. nothing really special about these guys. right?

wrong! because as opposed to the other ones being non-canon ships where we just look at everything and say "thats gay" or look at it through shipping tinted glasses, symbrock is a bit special.

to start off with! the source material! the comics! im not gonna make this part long, just a bunch of images with short descriptions and you can interpret it however you want (click for full image)

panels ofter referred to as "the ones where they have sex"

no comment

even spider-man knows

aaaaaand the comic writers/artists also know

theres more (like how they have a kid and eddie experienced morning sickness...) but this is about the movie! not the comics!

first movie moments. im skipping smaller moments and i'll try to not write out the whole plot.

eddie and venom go through a whole car chase scene on a motorbike, and the moment eddie calls him cool, they get his by a car. often interpreted as venom losing focus from the praise

-omg why would that lead to venom losing focus?? because venom, on its planet, is a loser. bottom of the barrel. an outcast. and someone called it cool. venom sees that eddie is also a bit of a loser on his planet. theyre two losers together. Eddie asks why he doesnt just kill him and hop to another host, but venom says that hes a good match (other bodies reject the symbiote, and die from organ failure/eaten from the inside) and venom is "starting to like him" venom also gets a bit stuck on the moment that eddie says we instead of i. its both of them. together.

later eddie finds out his organs were failing (venom was starving and was working on fixing it) and when they get seperated the way he acts is kind of framed like a bad breakup. its not "im free from this parasite! yippie!" its "i trusted you and you hurt me. we're done" sort of breakup. venom tries to say he was trying to fix it but eddie ignores it (not the exact words but if you look at it you'll get it)

eddie gets taken away by the bad guys and venom hops on eddies ex and they reunite. and its not just reunite.

its this

thumbnail shows human face but it does not start off with that.

fun fact! theres a sort of deleted scene where eddie asks "who was i kissing just then?" and she says "mostly me" and then we hear venoms voice saying "well actually it was mostly me!" ALSO at the end of the movie, she says it was venoms idea. this was venom and eddie making out. not eddie and his ex. they do not get back together. she has a new boyfriend and they've moved in together so its serious.

venoms original purpose as to why the symbiotes are on earth was as a scouting party for an invasion force. venom changes his mind on being on the invasion part. eddie asks what REALLY made him change his mind "you did eddie."

also after the movie was in theaters they made an additional romcom trailer to promo the dvd/blueray release. the movie. framed as a romcom. im not kidding. on sonys official youtube. for both movies.

speaking of both movies, the second one has them breaking up! full on divorce after fighting and arguing!! very sad. and then venom goes to a rave (october, there are costumes, hes fully transformed) and says "i am out! of the eddie closet!" HES COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET. one person at the rave has a mask on that says "kiss me" and venom says "sorry no, not my type" THEN WHAT IS YOUR TYPE HUH??? MEN?? SWEATY LOSER GUYS??? his hosts keep failing because theyre not as compatible as eddie. and after having fun venom is sad and wishes eddie could've seen him. they of course, get back together* after some apologizes and because they need to fight a serial killer who also has a symbiote (carnage) because previously, they went to interview him, he insulted eddie, venom got mad on eddies behalf and grabbed him, resulting in getting bit, and that spawned a new symbiote from the blood. also the serial killer, (cletus kassidy) went to bust out his girlfriend who upon seeing his tentacles breaking her glass cage, called it hot.

*when they get reunited (anne helps out again) theres no kiss this time, and annes fiancee, after seeing them fight, says "those two need some serious couples counseling"

after a big climactic fight and mutual reassuring that theyre a perfect match for one another, they flee to some random place in mexico where they sort of have a love confession. theres an extended deleted version of it but i think many of us think they cut it down to save it for the third movie. also they get transported to the mcu in the post-credit and then re-appear in the post-credit of spider-man where theyre just sitting at a bar asking the bartender about the blip and thanos. venom decides to go skinny dip but they get transported back to their universe. net zero gain.

THE THIRD MOVIE

hasnt come out yet. but the promotional things. the trailer. my god the tiktoks and twitter clips?? WHY IS THE TIKTOK VIDEO CAPTION VENOM X EDDIE 4EVER??? HUH???? WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME!?!?! IF I GET QUEERBAITED IM GONNA EXPLODE WHY IS ONE OF THEM FRAMED LIKE A COUPLES COUNSELING HELP GUIDE.

i cant post this one on tumblr but this tiktok is a slideshow, one image of venom and eddie from each movie, and the background song is "I've loved you three summer Lover - Taylor swift" with the caption "it's a love love relationship"

WE JUST WANT THEM TO KISS AGAIN AND HAVE A MUTUAL, EXPLICIT, LOVE CONFESSION. AND HAVE 4 HOURS TENTACLESEX SCENE. (not necessarily in that order)

and the first trailer that came out for venom3 has the line"eddie, my home [long pause] has found us" like girrrrrllll for a full 3 seconds i thought he was saying that eddie is his home.

[wnbnny]

our lost love - h.hj

genre: angst, break-up

tw: lots and lots and lots of angst, kinda sad ending:<

synopsis: "this is the end, isn't it?" you asked, the both of you tangled up in bed with your fingers interlocked. a bittersweet smile rested on your lips, yet your eyes were brimming with tears and unspoken grievances. "i'm sorry."

author's note: this was so sad but i got randomly inspired out of nowhere lol>< reblogs and likes r appreciated!

you could feel hyunjin slipping away from you, through the cracks of your fingers. and you tried, you really did. grasping and trying to hold on desperately to his hands as he slipped out of your grasp. out of your world. he would never acknowledge it, of course. he would never want to hurt you. he loved you, but wasn't in love with you. but you, ever the observer, could see the way his eyes gazed upon you with fondness but had lost their sparkle reserved for only you in the past. you could sense him closing up, dropping a quick peck on your forehead when he came home with a 'hi baby.' but it was never like the affectionate, loving kiss he always gave you in the past, taking his time to talk about his day and cuddle with you, never the deep conversations you two would have until 2am in the morning. you used to envision a future with him, a quiet family with one or two kids and a happy life, but deep down you knew that dream would probably never come to fruition. and it hurt. so, so, bad. countless hours spent sniffling into the pillow as you grieved for the inevitable loss of your love, your muse for the past 3 years. but for now, you would cling onto the last moments as if they were your lifeline, and wait until that fateful day when your nightmare would morph with reality.

hwang hyunjin knew he was falling out of love. he loved you, as a companion. the kind of person he would want to grow old with, the kind that would stick by his side through the years. but his spark, his passion for you had died down, from a once burning fire to a flickering flame in the candlelight, a familiar and comforting warmth yet not warm enough to heat the room. he tried so hard to fall in love with you again. memorised your every detail, tried to take you out on dates. but each time, he never felt that passion reignite. he would always love you as a friend, a companion and partner. you brought a certain warmth into his life. but hyunjin was a fiery person. if you were water, he was fire. he couldn't live without passion, without the burning heat that threatened to consume him. hyunjin felt so, so guilty, each time he came back late to see you asleep on the couch after waiting for him, each time you gazed at him with so much love and adoration that he knew he couldn't give back. hyunjin knew he had fallen out of love, yet couldn't bring himself to break your heart and break the perfect life he had been living with you for the past three years. so he would wait until the day when he knew the time was right and inevitably have to leave, leaving in his wake behind two broken hearts.

"this is the end, isn't it?" you asked, the both of you tangled up in bed with your fingers interlocked. a bittersweet smile rested on your lips, yet your eyes were brimming with tears and unspoken grievances.

"im sorry." hyunjin could only muster those two words, his heart breaking when he finally saw you close your eyes with a sigh, a lone tear trickling down your face.

"i know, just... hold me one last time." you breathed, fingers grazing his cheek and your eyes searched the eyes of the man you had once loved. no, you still loved him.

a part of you always would, no matter who you were with in the future. one day, you would look back on all of this with a smile and thank him for the memories, the moments that made you who you were. one day, your heart would expand to fit for another that you loved, the love for hyunjin remaining in a small corner of your mind. you would leave a piece of the old you in his heart, and he would leave a piece of him in you, but as time would pass and so would you grow into a new person, the old you simply just a stepping stone into the new chapter of your life. the memories made with hyunjin would always be moments to look back upon fondly, smiling wistfully for the happiness you experienced with him. you would always love hwang hyunjin, you supposed. a person never forgets the people they had loved. if someone were to ask you if you had regretted those three years, you would reply without hesitation a definite 'no'.

"thank you for letting me love and live."

[sleepy-wyvern]

His Hummingbird (Miguel O'Hara x female!reader smut)

{Angsty smut oneshot}

Available: here on Tumblr and AO3

WC: ~2.2k [oneshot]

Synopsis: You're a human female who has a boyfriend from another dimension; Spider-Man 2099. Miguel visits your apartment late at night as a surprise after not seeing him for a week.

I HAD TO GET THIS IDEA OUT OF MY HEAD BEFORE I COULD FOCUS ON OTHER FICS IM SORRY ;-;

Inspirations: the song Hummingbird by Metro Bloomin and James Blake and you know the fang scene… man definitely bites 👀

A/N: If y’all want/request more I may write more, otherwise this is a one shot ❤️ leave a comment or reblog if you liked. 

Warnings/tags: Angst, Smut (18+ Minors DNI), hickies (lotsa biting), fingering, light begging from reader, p in v (condom), light male whimpering

Disclaimer: I borrowed my spanglish friend for some of the translations here. Feel free to send an ask or comment if something feels off.

Enjoy!

The moon shone bright through the heavy clouds as you wondered where your spider was. 

Fighting crime, defeating evil, saving lives, all nothing you could complain about. Another universe, another day, another “business trip.” He used that phrase to try and make you feel better but it couldn’t take away from the fact that one day he may not return. Perhaps if things went bad enough you wouldn’t ever be able to know what happened to him, just spending the rest of your life waiting for someone who would never return. You tried your best to shove the thought away as you fiddled with the window latch.

You pushed open the window widely to get whatever cool night air you could in your little city apartment. As the hot summer days neared closer you took solace in the cold rainy night. The sound of the rain and the city traffic was oddly comforting.

You turned and walked toward the kitchen sink opposite of the room figuring you'd at least try to get some chores done. It was a small-ish apartment the size of a hotel room really. The biggest room was the merged kitchen and living room. Still, it was familiar enough space for you to sense the presence behind you.

The moment you turned your back you heard the window blinds gently tap against the window pane; anyone else would’ve thought that had been the wind. Anyone else without a spider person lover anyways.

“Do spiders ever use the door?” You spoke without turning around, instead you turned the faucet on to do the dishes.

“You should start locking that window at night,” his gruff voice was directly behind you.

“Miguel,” you sighed, twisting the tap off before turning around.

It had been a week since his last visit, the longest ever since you started “seeing” each other. You hadn’t put a label on anything yet, what could you call a lover from another dimension that could never stay with you?

Every time you saw him after a prolonged period you were intimidated by how he stood over you. He hadn’t meant to be intimidating as his mask was already removed, yet it was hard to ignore his height and size of his build especially when he had to look down at you.

“Nobody can enter a 4th story window,” you smiled. “Just you.”

Despite that you were angry he was gone for so long your heart melted at the sight of his brown locks falling gracefully over his forehead. He wore his blue and red spider suit as he always did when traveling.

He wrapped his large arms around your waist, pulling you close into his hot embrace. He planted a kiss on your forehead.

“Te extrañé…” He trailed off as he pulled back to look into your eyes. 

He held his hands against your face when you eyed his bracelet; the thing that let him stay here with you without “glitching out.” It was a grim reminder of what could never be. Despite the comfort you got from his rough hands against your soft face, it made you sad. 

“I missed you too,” you sighed, overlapping his hand with your smaller one.

The bracelet was cool to the touch as you frowned. “Where have you been?” You scolded, “You told me you’d be back by Monday. It’s Friday!”

“I’m sorry,” he sighed furrowing his brows. “It’s work.”

“It always is,” You turn around putting your hands on the smooth countertop.

“I’ll make it up to you,” he offered, sounding sad and hopeful.

You knew he didn’t mean to make you worry or make you sad. You both wished things were different. It would make it so much easier. You knew though that if he could change things he would and you didn’t want to hold what was out of his control against him. It wasn’t his fault you were born in different worlds, different universes. It didn’t help that you weren’t a spider person either.

You felt his hands gently against your waist as he moved closer to you.

“I'm sorry." He sighed. "Mi pequeña colibrí…” he whispered into your ear. His breath was hot and heavy against your neck sending shivers down your body.

“Oh stop, you can’t use the español to make me feel better! No fair!” You laughed. 

He placed a kiss on your ear that tickled before you spun back around, wrapping your arms over his shoulders.

“My spiderman,” You giggled as his look of concern melted into happiness. "I'm not mad at you. Just try to let me know if you'll be late next time."

The corner of his lips turned upward ever so slightly in relief. "I promise."

Another thing that was likely yours only; Miguel’s smile. When Jessica met you she was surprised you were even real. She warned you to not mention much of Miguel’s personal life activities to the other spider people but it was hard to remember. Once you accidentally mentioned the flowers on your table were from Miguel to Gwen she nearly fainted. You adored the way he treated you special even if you weren’t sure why he chose you. You could never be mad at him for something he couldn't control.

He brushed his thumbs in a circular motion against your waist as he held you. His dark eyes were full of love as he looked down at you. 

You ran your fingers back through his brown hair. He seemed to sigh beneath your touch, it was thrilling in a way to know he was comfortable enough around you to let his guard down. Nobody else could see Miguel the way you did.

“You need to stop being so stressed. Relax more.” You sighed bringing your fingers to his forehead. “Grumpy wrinkles.”

He chuckled low as he held you tightly. He brought his face down into your neck to inhale the sweet scent of your perfume that he loved so much.

“I know what helps with that,” his voice was deep and silky and fuck it made your body melt. 

You giggled as his sweet kisses turned into loving nibbles. He was careful to not hurt you with his fangs but he knew how much you loved his gentle biting. You had a hunch he loved it as much as you did. On top of that it’s been a week without it and damn you missed him.

You let his touch overwhelm you as he held you, softly biting against your delicate skin. His body tensed against you the moment you let out a small pleasurable gasp.

“Hm,” He huffed deeply as he pulled back. “I forgot my strength. I’m sorry, mi colibrí.”

He brought his fingers up to your neck, wiping away the wetness before examining the hickie left behind.

“That’s what makeup is for,” you reassured. “Now, you have a week to make up for…”

“No better time to start than now,” he knocked off the stack of papers that were laying on the countertop.

Before you could react he grabbed your hips, lifting you into the air. You let out a faint gasp as you wrapped your legs around him.

“Miguel!” You scolded as he smirked at you, placing you on the empty countertop space. “Naughty, what has become of you?” You teased him.

“You have become of me,” he pressed his hot lips against yours hungrily. 

He brought his hands around to the back of your head holding you close so he could kiss you deeply. It wasn’t long before you could feel his cool tongue against your lips. You opened your mouth letting him in, his cold mouth meeting your warm one.

You brought your hands to his shoulders feeling the fabric of his suit. Eagerly you moved your fingers to his back, grasping for the zipper. You rotated between feeling the muscles of his back and fumbling with the damn zipper making your kisses turn sloppy.

“Eager aren’t we?” He laughed low and deep in his throat, it wasn’t a mocking tone. In fact you knew he loved it. 

He shimmied his shoulders out of the suit and it took all of your power not to basically drool over him. You wasted no time bringing your hands to feel his hot skin, tracing your fingers lovingly over the scars on his chest.

You buried your fingers in his hair as your lips met again. The man loves to kiss you, almost as much as he loves to bite you. He took the opportunity to switch to biting your neck whenever you pulled back to breathe. 

He slowly brought his fingers underneath the hem of your shirt, running his calloused fingers along your silky smooth torso. You separated from him only long enough to remove the pesky fabric of your top before diving back into him again.

You could feel the bulge in his underwear against your leg as he leaned forward to undo the clasp of your bra. He brought his large hands to your breasts lovingly cupping and massaging them. Goosebumps rose against his skin at the sound of your soft, lustful moans.

“More baby,” you whispered.

He brought his lips to your nipple, his hair tickling your chest. You tilted your head down letting yourself get lost in the scent of his shampoo while he planted wet kisses against your stiff nipple. His grabs on your body slowly turned more rough as you felt his teeth against your skin.

“More,” you demand. It’s been a week and damn you wanted him more than anything. 

He hooked his fingers underneath the soft fabric of your leggings and panties as you shimmied to help. Your body shivered as the fabric pooled to the floor. Miguel looked at your body with a mixture of awe and hunger- a deep lust filled hunger.

He brought his index and middle finger to your entrance, smiling when he felt how wet you were.

“You really did miss me huh, mi pequeña colibrí?” 

You nodded “mmm’, yes I did. Need you, Miguel.” You whined feeling him circle your entrance.

He wasn’t cruel to make you wait as he plunged his fingers in. Your back arched as you gasped, spreading your legs desperate for him deeper. Feeling his fingers arch against your walls and watching the movements of his wrist as he pleased you was intoxicating.

Still you wanted more.

“Please, baby,” you whimpered.

Your body whined when he stopped and pulled his fingers out. 

“What is it, cariño?” His voice purred. He brought his fingers to his lips, rolling his tongue over your sweetness.

“You,” your lip quivered as you shuddered from the cool apartment air. “Please.”

You knew this was a game he could normally play for a long time. Not today though, neither of you could handle it. Instead your heart raced as he nodded to the kitchen drawer where you kept the condoms since counter sex had become a more regular activity.

He brought his large, hard cock out of his boxers, stroking lightly. You swallowed at the sight wondering how you could ever take him.

He smirked at your expression “are you afraid?”

You shook your head, reaching your hands out to his broad shoulders trying to bring him closer. You fumbled with the condom, bringing your hands to his hot cock. He gasped lightly as your hands held him him, rolling the condom down over him.

He lined his tip against your entrance, soaking himself in your juices and teasing you just a little. 

“Are you ready?” He whispered and for the first time tonight you heard his voice start to shake.

You bit your lip as you nodded “I am.”

He slowly slid himself in as you let out a moan of tight, firey pressure. The moment he was fully inside you both let out a gasp; you both waited so long for this moment. You wrapped your arms around him as he buried his face in the crook of your neck while you got used to the feeling of all of him inside. 

He waited for you to nod and give him the okay to continue. He planted a kiss on your cheek as he pulled out slightly before thrusting in again. You spread your legs further apart, moaning at the next deeper thrust. You grasped at the muscles of his back for an anchor.

“Just like that, cariño,” He whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

He thrusted against, harder and faster as you felt your pleasure start to build. He kept a lovely, steady pace and you knew it wouldn’t be long until you reached your climax.

“Oh Miguel,” you moaned, making him shiver. “Baby, I’m close.”

You grasped at his back desperate to have more of him. His heavy breaths and grunts sent electricity through you while his cock pressed lovingly against that sweet spot.

“Don’t move,” his voice was a quiet whimper while you held him.

Fuck, hearing him whimper always sent you feral but you did your best to keep still while he pounded into your tight cunt. Your back arched as the waves of pleasure crashed down into a lovely orgasm. 

“You feel so good,” he whispered in your ear. 

You knew he was close and you wrapped your legs around him not letting him go. 

“I’m, I’m-“ his voice broke off as you felt his cock twitch inside of you.

His arms held you tightly to him as you were wrapped around him lovingly. The heat of your bodies, the feeling of his heart beating and the rise and fall of his chest as he heavily breathed through the pleasure… Despite that soon he’d have to leave again these moments are what make it worth it.

"Te amo," his voice was a husky whisper as he held you.

For now, you got to enjoy the warm embrace of your spider. 

===

💙💙💙💙

Thanks so much for reading, let me know if you enjoyed with any comments/reblogs, I appreciate them all!

-Wyv

[agi-ppangx]

hi lovely 🫶🏽

are you going to make a part 3 of the pregnancy fic? like maybe the boys making sure that you were okay 24/7 and they're always making sure you have with you any food that you crave?

overall just being really chaotic and caring uncles :,)

please don't have to feel pressured to do it 💓

hii !! thank you for this idea ^^ i wont lie, i was kinda struggling and im not sure if this is what you wanted, but at the same time i had so much fun writing this haha hopefully youll like it, please let me know if you enjoyed<3

part one | part two

feedback and reblogs highly appreciated🫶🏽

since you and minho told the boys about pregnancy, they haven't stopped talking about it on a daily basis. they called at least four times a day to ask if you were doing okay or if you needed anything. they even created a separate group chat to only talk about you and the baby, worrying over you 24/7. you appreciated their efforts, it was really cute when they pinged you at a random hour with a question "uncle no 5: @/mother🫡 have you eaten anything today????? we know you've been craving mcdonalds lately so we bought a few happy meals and we're on our way to your apartment !!! see you soon".

that's how you ended up in the current situation - on your couch, minho running some errands in the city, felix and jeongin on both your sides, and twelve happy meals in front of you. "how did this happen…?" you asked, dumbfounded. "i thought you said a few happy meals". you whispered the last part, trying to process all of it. "yeah, i mean, we didn't really know which combination you wanted so we chose, well, twelve," felix stated and jeongin added a quiet "ta-da", both of them smiling awkwardly. after a long moment of silence, you suddenly started sobbing, the hormones taking over. the boys looked at you, confused and scared at the same time - did they do something wrong? "yn, what's- what's going on? are you okay?" jeongin stuttered, not being sure whether to hug you or leave you alone. he made eye contact with felix, silently debating what to do and gesturing vividly over your crying figure. "no, it's just- i can't eat all of this and it makes me sad, because you bought it for me and-" you were starting to ramble and felix had to place his hands on your shoulders to ground you. you looked at him and started taking deep breaths with his help. after you stopped hyperventilating felix spoke softly. "yn, it's absolutely fine, we're not mad at all. just eat as much as you want and we'll take care of the leftovers." you nodded but the tears didn't stop. "i'm really sorry, i appreciate your efforts and i would love to eat all these happy meals but it's just too unhealthy for the baby and i don't want the food to harm it" you began again, the hormones making you feel guilty. "we get it, yn, it's totally okay, don't worry. and please stop crying, it breaks my heart," jeongin said and wiped your tears. you giggled at that a little, feeling a bit better. you took one happy meal and started eating fries. "is there anything else you were craving lately that's maybe healthier than mcdonalds?" felix asked suddenly and you took a moment to think about it. there was one thing, way better than fast food. "cherries, i was craving them for the past few days" you mumbled. "okay, cherries it is" felix stated and took his phone to send a message to the group chat.

"uncle no 5: guys

uncle no 5: you have a mission

uncle no 5: buy some cherries for @/mother🫡 and come to her and minho hyung's apartment

uncle no 5: also, we have around 11 happy meals to eat

uncle no 1: what the fuck do you mean by 11 happy meals ???

uncle no 5: come and find out ;) bUT DON'T FORGET THE CHERRIES"

after around an hour you heard banging at the door. you wanted to get up and open them, but jeongin was faster. you saw five men at your front door, each of them with a box full of freaking cherries. "hi yn! how are you feeling? are you okay? did- did you cry?" changbin bombarded you with tons of questions as soon as he placed his box on the coffee table in front of you. "i'm fine, don't worry, but- i thought you would bring maybe a kilogram of cherries and not five boxes…" you replied, looking at the fruit in you living room. "i mean, don't get me wrong, that's really thoughtful of you, but what i'm gonna do with all these cherries?" you muttered, getting up and examining the boxes. you noticed on the side of the box that one of those was eight kilograms, which meant… "where did you even get forty kilograms of cherries?" you exclaimed, astonished. you didn't know if you were happy because of the support or if you wanted to murder them for buying forty kilograms of cherries for one pregnant woman. they remained silent as they smiled awkwardly, caught off guard by your reaction. as you were standing in the middle of the apartment, you heard key jingling at the door and you saw minho enter the room a moment after. he stopped in his tracks as he noticed the chaos - twelve happy meals, five boxes full of cherries and seven men in his living room as well as his pregnant partner standing around the coffee table. "what the hell…?" he looked you in the eyes, dumbfounded. "anyone want to explain this to me?" minho continued, looking around the room and then taking a few careful steps in your direction. "yn was craving some food so we bought it for her…" jeongin started, unsure. minho examined the room once more and then he shifted his gaze at you. he opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something but then closed them and simply brushed it off with a wave of his hand. he made his way to the kitchen to take something to drink and in the meantime you gestured at the food and clapped your hands. "okay boys, let's eat!".

there you were, an hour later, munching on some cherries and all of the boys, including minho, sitting around you on the couch and the floor, finishing their happy meals. they placed all of the toys on a pile in the middle of the coffee table and suddenly hyunjin spoke. "hey, we can keep these for the baby. you know, when their older they can play with them, right?". minho jumped at his words, clearly not happy about his idea. "absolutely not, i'm not gonna let my daughter play with 12 plastic minions" he almost shouted and you gave him a warning look, but it was too late. "wait, what? you're having a daughter?" seungmin asked and shifted his shocked gaze to you. "um… surprise?" you revealed and saw the boys jump from joy, shouting and hugging each other. you peeked at minho, his face was almost as red as the cherries the boys brought and he was fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie. when he sensed your gaze at him, he mumbled a faint "i'm sorry". in response you pecked his lips and smiled widely at him. "it's okay baby, that was actually a smooth way to reveal the gender. unplanned, but certainly smooth," you smirked and minho chuckled at that. you took his hand and watched the chaos together, feeling blessed to have such amazing people in your life.

[a-substantial-trash-pile]

real downer mental health stuff below cut. sorry. it's been a real hard couple weeks and i need to get things out somewhere or i'll go crazy.

i just need to get my feelings written out because right now i feel like im going to explode and i can't afford therapy right now and i can't talk to any friends because i cant live with the guilt of burdening them with my problems. so this is the only way i can think of getting it out of me. but i still feel guilty even doing this so im turning reblogs off because i don't want anyone to feel like they need to provide words of comfort or anything like that. would turn off replies to this post too if i knew how to do it. i just need to get it Out.

a few weeks ago, my family had a discussion about putting our old dog down. he's deaf and blind and has dementia that's gotten much worse this year. and he isn't really "living" anymore. i'm not sure he even knows who i am anymore. and it hurts so so bad. i know it's time. but it hurts so fucking bad. i don't want to be the one to make the phone call and make the appointment and solidify the date i lose him forever, so i asked my dad if he could do it. my mom wanted to do it immediately but my dad said he would make the call after my mom's surgeries for her parkinsons that was happening this month. i know my dad doesn't want to put our dog down. the whole thing was brought up in the first place because my mom keeps bringing it up. and it makes her and my dad argue which is not what i fucking want right now. she tends to bring up the subject with my dad and i at the worst times, when im feeling especially terrible. she just had her last surgery yesterday so she brought it up again tonight. the way she brings it up has kind of really sucked for me. i was already feeling especially depressed because everything was just feeling so overwhelming today (stress from thinking about my dog and also hearing that my mom fell on her face and got hurt while i was at work). the past couple times my mom has brought up my dog with me, she's started it off by asking if i had been crying and then when i say that i was, she asks when we're putting our dog down. i don't know why she's doing it like this. i feel upset at her for doing it this way, but at the same time i feel bad for being upset at her because she has parkinson's and just had surgery. even though the surgery went well, i still feel guilty that i'm upset with her.

i couldn't give my mom a straight answer because again, i don't want to be the one to solidify the date, so i told her i'm waiting for dad to make the phone call. she said, "ok i'm going to tell dad." then i went downstairs and cried while she immediately went to tell my dad. i could hear my parents argue about it. it's not a subject my dad likes to acknowledge and my mom has been really pushy about it with him and me. i regret and feel guilty about asking my dad to make the call. i should have just sucked it up and said i would do it. i think i might have to be the one to do it. but it hurts so fucking bad.

whenever my mom talks about it with my dad, she always tries to pressure him by bringing up how sad it's making me. when she does that it feels like im being made into the main "reason" to put our dog down. that if we don't put him down as soon as possible, my mental health will keep spiraling. and yeah, im not doing great right now, but i don't want to keep hearing it brought up over and over like that. i don't want to feel like it's my fault. i know my dog needs to be put down. but i don't want to feel like it's because of me. does that make sense? is that selfish? is the amount of crying i've been doing not "normal" in this situation? it's not like i cry all day. i only do it at night and i try to hide it as best i can. i don't want my mom to see and tell me "this is why we need to put him down now." which she has done before. i don't know. it just hurts so bad.

i haven't been able to tell my mom about how she's been upsetting me. because she'll get upset about it if i do. and i feel bad for being upset in the first place. because i know in the end, these actions she's taking is because she's worried for me. she just. doesn't think things through all the time. she's always spoken before thinking. although im not sure if her parkinson's has made this habit worse. i can't remember if she's always been at this level or if this is something exacerbated by parkinson's. which makes me feel even more guilty about being upset at her. god. everything just feels fucked right now. so overwhelming. i wish i could see my therapist again, but i just can't afford that expense right now.

i've been having more nightmares. been having the stupid sleep paralysis shit. been having more frequent intrusive thoughts of driving off the bridge i go over on my commute or looking at my pills and wondering what would happen if i took everything in the bottle at once. i don't think i would ever actually act on these things, because i love my family too much to have them deal with that kind of hardship. it's just been exhausting for my brain. and some days the thoughts feel closer than others. but that's depression for you. been dealing with it for many years. this has just been one of those real bad times for it. if anyone is actually reading this, please dont worry. i know that's kind of dumb of me to say considering everything i wrote here. but really please don't worry. i just needed a place to put my thoughts and feel like i'm releasing them somehow. im still here. i've had these bad thoughts before and i'm still here. i will still be here. it'll get better. i just need to hold on again.

i just wish dogs lived longer.

[thegeminisage]

wow it is star trek update time. last night we watched ds9's "blood oath" and tng's "journey's end," which is one of the strongest quality ricochets we've had yet.

blood oath (ds9):

okay, so the summary said "three klingon legends" but what i didn't realize is that they were all REAL KLINGONS FROM THE ORIGINAL SERIES

i have to pain this picture for you, whoever is reading this. the three klingons in this episode appeared in "errand or mercy" "the trouble with tribbles" and "day of the dove." like, they really came back to reprise their roles almost 30 years later. i'm going to paste a picture but uhtw 60s blackface

now, if you're a tos viewer, you may recognize that fella in the middle as also having played the titular squire of gothos in. "squire of gothos." now, as an episode, i find "squire of gothos" to be pretty mid, but there is one specific scene that really did something for me. to me? it did something TO me. what it did to me was send me off the fucking deep end, i wish i could convey the depths of my madness with human words

(still screenshot grabbed from this infinitely more amazing gifset, give it up for @maulthots for enabling me, no literally please go through her gif tag and reblog her gifs)

anyway, before my good and wonderful friend so kindly made this gifset for me, i did maybe sit in front of my pc and replay the clip upwards of [mumble] times a day because i was very, very unwell. when i watched this scene for the very first time what happened to me in that single instant was the bone-deep realization that james t kirk (tos and aos) ate fascists on tarsus iv, probably, and he'd fucking do it again because nobody tastes better than a fascist! i wrote an entire fanfic about it, sorry for the spoilers.

what does squire of gothos and tarsus iv have to do with ds9? well first of all every star trek episode is secretly about tarsus iv so jot that down

but secondly, i've watched this clip so many times i have to hide my face when this man shows up in trouble with tribbles. now, i'm not so good with faces, but i KNOW THAT VOICE. but i know him AS the squire of gothos. i frequently forget entirely that he also plays a klingon, so i didn't recognize his name. so when i heard the squire of gothos's voice come out of a random klingon's mouth in ds9 my immediate kneejerk reaction was "no i am hearing things that can't be--" BUT IT WAS. i PAUSED the episode so i could look iy up, realized that the guy in the drunk tank was kor or "do you have a tongue you will be taught to use it" fame, and then to my eternal glee, kang shows up next

i remembered reading once that kang came back later and i was like ??? no one comes back later on tos BUT HE DID! I JUST HAD TO WAIT FOR IT!!!!! mystery finally solved...........

once i recognized them this episode was a blast. absolutely loving these 100 year old klingons getting ready for a rip roaring rampage of supercentenarian revenge. i was VERY sad that they died at the end but at least presumably they all died together (didnt see the last one go down but im just assuming he lived long enough to eat the albino's heart and then die)

(the albino is a really funny concept by the way like he's not even albino he's just a white klingon)

other notable things about this episode: firstly, quark hiding behind odo at the beginning. classic. secondly, dax actually being a good fighter ?!?!?! and finally, a true passing of the bechdel test where dax asked kira some alarming and upsetting questions about killing people and kira immediately took her aside and MADE her talk. i love. Women. and also women who murder people. i support womens wrongs.

i even love that the ONE time sisko doesn't back up one of his people it's for a good reason (doesn't want the 27yo reincarnation of his father figure to die on a klingon suicide mission)

10000/10, absolutely stellar ep, zero complaints

journey's end (tng):

oh boy.

just about the coldest bucket of fucking water...

you know, we tried to give this episode the benefit of the doubt actually. we were like "maybe this was progressive in 1994. i mean they ARE saying that moving these guys forcibly would be bad" and i mean like what would we know about what was progressive in 94? we were 5. so we checked and um i don't think anybody liked it in 1994 either

devastating that THIS has to be a wesley episode bc i wanted a better sendoff for my boy. "i had a vision and now i'm leaving starfleet" and yes they said the word vision in the most derogatory way possible. jesus christ

TRAVELER ALIEN RACEFAKING? HE PRETENDED TO BE NATIVE AMERICAN TO GIVE WESLEY THE VISION? and then he was like haha don't you know all that stuff is fake. (picard earlier in this episode "i am sooo respectful of your beliefs")

furthermore when picard was like "oh yeah this guy blames me for the crimes of my colonizer ancestor" girl at no point did he say that. idk if white people should go around accusing other white people of white guilt so i don't say this lightly but jesus christ captain picard can you tone it the fuck down buddy

i came across a gifset today of picard from season 5 (idr the episode) going "starfleet doesn't want officers who blindly follow orders sayign you're just following orders has been used to justify too many tragedies in our history" and then smash cut to this episode where he's like "well i tried but yeah i'm gonna have to move you sowwy :/" like good lord.

anyway it's a bummer these last few eps of tng have been less than great bc ik tng is capable of good episodes and i was hoping this series would go out on a high note. but it's going to end the same way it began with us waiting for something good to happen and throwing popcorn at picard

TONIGHT: ds9's "the maquis part i" and tng's "firstborn." i am Braced. for trouble.

[griancraft]

Ok as per my last post. This is Long and very much about my feelings so uh don’t read it if you don’t want to. Also I’m aware I sound genujneky crazy for half of this I’m just really really mentally ill in ways I don’t talk about here at all and now I am sharing them and it’s. A little scary but oh well. The system stuff is the stuff I’m most concerned about right now to be honest bc it effects my day to day and if anyone has any kind words or thoughts on what to do I’ll be happy to listen

Please read my previous post if you’re mad /gen I don’t think I say anything bad here but I have really bad morality ocd so like uhm I am scared to post this!!! Prev post

Also I’m very sorry that the prose is terrible to read and my spelling is shit I have dyspraxia which is a coordination thing and it’s worse rn

The maybe I was boring album came on yesterday while I was cleaning and I had to stop what I was doing and turn it off halfway through because I just couldn’t stop hearing an admission. I wasn’t even sad I was just. So done with it. I still am just kinda like. God I hope Shelby is doing ok with all this being public now. I’m glad she was able to heal like she said and I’m glad she made the video dude.

I almost got his lyrics tattooed if that’s testament to how much I loved his early music. It’s not connecting in my brain that this music that’s been apart of my life for like 4 years and helped me through so much was made by an abuser.

But like, in retrospect you can see it. I can’t bear to delete ycgma off my mp3 player bc I related to his songs so much as an abused lonely teenager but I also can’t bare to listen to it. I learned the fall on my guitar as my final exam and I used to repeat his lyrics to myself to cope with abuse and I wish I could still love these songs. I dressed like his dsmp character bc I thought it made me look cool. Which is lame as fuck to admit now lol

Originally I was planning on pirating them and I like, can’t especially after that manipulative ass statement. How much was an act? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m a bad person because I still kinda do want to listen to that music again. I still want to feel that safe but I know I won’t feel that way anymore.

with dsmp stuff I think I’m going to be still able to look back fondly on it generally and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. The community was what made it and the community is what I loved, and i still do. I don’t think I’m going to reblog art of him specifically but if he’s in it I might. Idk. My policy on dream fanart is if he’s not alone in the art and it’s dsmp or mcc related I reblog so I guess I’ll continue that here. Im sorry if that sounds callous I just. Am not prepared to talk about this so I’m going back and forth

And like. We also have a wilbur factive/fictive and we have for years now and nobody in our system knows how to feel about that. He formed to fill the role of a big brother (I was being heavily emotionally neglected at that point and needed someone to be there for me) and protector from my parents abuse. Obviously, he is entirely separate from his source now bc alters change a lot for me but how we picture him is still wilbur. he’s literally just some guy now but grappling with that connection is fucked up dude it’s weird. He’ll probably further distance himself but it still fucking sucks and I don’t know how to communicate the cognitive dissonance we had to push through bc our brain struggled at first to make sense of how this person who we liked so much that he became the template for a Protector to shield us from the emotional neglect and abuse, essentially, is a terrible person. I’m sorry I know people who aren’t systems, and some who are ngl, will find this fuckibg nuts and I get that but we’re a very very internal person like I just. Kinda am with us as a system a lot and nobody else. It feels like my safe space that I’ve created in my head has been marred. Also. uhm. Our alters speak in distinct voices so it’s bad bad for me rn and we are trying to fix it. I know I know fictives and factives arenttheir source but that doesn’t change that it makes me feel gross. I’m rambling rn I’m sorry. Support Shelby.

[softshuji]

hi for the song drabble thing, can you please do sanzu with i don’t know if we can be friends by hollyn if u feel like it? thank youuu i love your works <3

cw: fwb haru and reader because I love this concept im sorry, some suggestive language, quite a bit of angst, haru being sad, anon I really like this song this was a great pick and thank you i'm glad you like them <3

Sanzu knows he's messed it up the minute he leaves your apartment for the umpteenth time. It's different now though, he knows he's left something there on your sofa that he frequents too often for it not to mean something. And it's not his wallet, or keys, or anything he can easily forget. He tells himself that this is the last time he'll be here, he's tainted you long enough, ruined you enough for even him to feel guilty about it.

You find the loose strands of his hair tucked under pillows and in the sink with his toothbrush that you had insisted he keep there, that if he was spending nights here, it only made sense he felt at home. And maybe that was the issue.

Maybe Sanzu wasn't ready to feel at home anywhere yet, maybe he never would, that the knives held to his back would always push him in the other direction. He can admit to himself now, that it was always more than just the sex, that it was the cold towels on his forehead, the touches that were softer than he was used to. That was the issue. Sanzu hates that you let him feel a little more human than he's comfortable with.

'Haru, you alright? You've not answered any of my texts.' It reads, and it angers him in a way that's both foreign and not, that he's not good enough to respond to you and tell it to you straight, that he can't have good things, and breaking is all he's good for. And you are, a good thing.

'You seemed upset the other day. Did I do something? Talk to me, I miss you.'

'Haru I really miss you, please don't give me the cold shoulder, just tell me.'

He hates it, the way it aches and has him on the verge of unshed tears and a bone-deep shame that makes him nauseous. So he does the most merciful thing he can think of, and deletes it all. Your number, the texts, pictures he had taken of you looking at him like he hadn't washed the blood from under his nails at night in your bathroom.

You'll move on eventually, he knows that. You're smart, beautiful, and you deserve someone that isn't so much to handle, that isn't him.

He'll be there, wishing you well when you do.

reblogs appreciated!

link to masterlist

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[jasonntodd]

Hi, I'm sorry if you've addressed this somewhere already but what happened to your Mass Effect mods on Nexusmods? I was just about to download your practical bodies mod when I noticed they were hidden. Just wondering if you hide them while you update or if you were overhauling your mod pages? I adore your mods for ME3 :]

hi! i’m flattered and thank you for liking my mods. i’ll use your ask as an announcement for those who are following me for mass effect modding - i hope that’s okay.

thank you to everyone who has supported and downloaded my mods these past few months. i’m forever grateful for the support, even though there were definitely moments that made me extremely sad and upset due to the hateful and misogynistic/homophobic/transphobic comments i would receive on my mods. while not the reason for my hiatus, i have to say, who knew buff women would trigger so many people? it certainly hasn’t helped getting the amount of hate these past few months. but modding definitely helped me (or at the very least, distracted me) during the last couple of months which have been extremely rough for me mentally, so i’m grateful to have discovered it and through it, the amazing community.

however, due to reasons i’m going to be taking an impromptu hiatus for a little because im feeling pretty conflicted due to it. i know this is sudden but i’ll still be active on my tumblr like always and my ao3 for those who follow me for my stories, so you guys can send me asks and whatnot and i’ll answer. if you’ve followed me for a little, you’ll know i love to just shitpost and reblog things and tumblr has been a safe space for me for a very long time - but i’m taking all of my mods off nexus bc i’m not comfortable with keeping them up for the time being. some things have happened behind the scenes and i personally don’t want to keep them up right now because it’s upsetting - i know i posted some WIPS over the past few days and they were exactly that, but due to said issues that just happened those will have to remain in limbo as i figure some things out.

things might change of course and i may bring the mods back sooner rather than later, depending fully on how i’m feeling at the moment, but until i’m comfortable enough to do so, they’ll remain hidden. i really do apologize for the inconvenience. if you want the mod, i have no problems sending it to you if you message me off anon. this also goes for anyone else as well!

thanks always for your support; it definitely meant the world to me.

[wifegideonnav]

I posted 2,574 times in 2022

That's 2,574 more posts than 2021!

282 posts created (11%)

2,292 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@emcapi

@mayasaura

@gideonisms

@saltwaterconfessions

@theriverbeyond

I tagged 2,463 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#art - 799 posts

#memes - 487 posts

#ntn - 393 posts

#harrow - 324 posts

#griddlehark - 317 posts

#gideon - 291 posts

#vibes - 229 posts

#op - 219 posts

#htn - 162 posts

#meta - 162 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i’d say something like ‘sorry guys i’ll try to be more active in the future!!1’ but que será será im not actually in control of when or how

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

there’s a post going around like “catholicism is only good for sexy vampire aesthetics” WRONG its primary purpose has always been to instigate a series of events that culminated in tamsyn muir writing gideon the ninth

2,073 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

#4

god I’m just never gonna fucking recover from “harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn’t even want it.” the use of her full name. the agony. the shakespeare-level comedy of errors with the angst turned up to 11 and the comedy turned down to 0. the fucking. tragedy of it all. I’m unwell no fucking talk me rn

2,243 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

#3

every time I think about harrows connection to gideon being so strong that gideons name is the last thing she says before dying despite having literally erased her capacity to comprehend it, I have to go lie down. like tamsyn really said love is so strong that it remains even if you carve out the part of your brain that feels it.

2,301 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#2

the importance of pov and kiriona gaia as gideon nav’s imperialist aspect

others have already made some really smart posts about how kiriona is gideon when she’s lost everything and everyone that made her who she was, and how even in the first two books, gideon was this terrifically sad creature who was disguised by the fact that she was her own narrator.

but I want to expand on that last bit, because yes. kiriona is a gideon who has lost everything, who has had to make tough decisions to survive, who has had to adapt to being primarily around her father (a manipulative asshole) and ianthe (ianthe). but this is also the first time we’re getting to see gideon from a perspective other than her own.

we’ve always known that gideon is a beautifully unreliable narrator - see her complete understatement of the fight before harrow opened the tomb, where she neglects to tell us that she almost killed harrow with her bare hands - but I think that for a lot of us, the introduction of kiriona was when we first felt that.

now, nona is not an objective narrator either (lmao). and she does actively dislike gideon (which is fascinating, and which I could go on about for several posts). but she does offer an outside perspective on gideon that we have, up to this point, been lacking.

because… yeah. sometimes, like anyone, gideon’s kind of mean. we know she’s a good person - her goodness is in many ways one of the central drivers of the plot - but that doesn’t mean she’s nice all of the time. it’s just that when she’s being mean to crux, or ianthe, or even harrow we can say, well that person deserved that. but the truth is, gideon has lived through the kind of hell that very few people could survive with any kind of goodness and softness left intact. she didn’t live through it, in fact. she’s just kind of… existed through it.

I saw another post point this out, and I want to reiterate: gideon’s goal, her whole life, has been to join the cohort. when we first meet her, we’re like, ok, makes sense, that’s the only ‘out’ available to her. and we kind of forget, even as we learn more about the empire, that what gideon wants to join is this actively and horrifically violent imperialist force. when we get to nona, and we meet hot sauce and her gang and joli and the angel and even the edenites, we expect gideon to have kept up with us somehow, to reject the empire. we want her to be one of the “good guys” (goodness in the tlt universe is another longass post I want to write…).

but gideon doesn’t reject the empire. because, crucially, she IS the empire - she is its heir, never mind the fact that that doesn’t really mean anything when the current emperor is immortal.

what I am trying to say is this: kiriona is gideon when you take everything from her, and then replace it with her father and everything he represents, and then take a step back.

that step back is crucial. it is what allows us to remember how imperialism - and by extension, or by metaphor, cruelty - works. gideon becomes cruel because she is in proximity to cruel people, AND because she is not in proximity to us.

THAT is what Muir is saying with kiriona. even the most kind, good, earnest protagonist can become a tool of evil in the right circumstances: and those circumstances include perspective. gideon, like it or not, is currently actively choosing to be a tool of empire. and if we were in her head, we might be able to - or we might be tricked into - accept her justifications for why she’s doing it.

the perspective shift is what allows us to see gideon as she - currently - truly is. it is no accident that this is when we get the outside pov. Muir allows us nowhere to hide; we have to confront what gideon has become and by extension what she always has been.

gideon nav is a good person, and I fully believe that in alecto we will watch her reject her father; I fully believe she will get to be a hero. but in order for that to happen, she - and we - must first undergo radical change and growth in terms of her worldview and attitudes. kiriona is not gideon’s final form. but in the same way that john is described by harrow as having aspects, kiriona is the aspect or facet of gideon that embraces cruelty, that perpetuates empire.

Muir tells us: even the most beautiful-hearted, trod-on girl in the world can become a tool of empire. but I have no doubt that in alecto she will tell us: this is how that girl can destroy it.

2,922 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

happy pride to girls who didn’t know that women could be nice to you, inscrutable polycules, straight people in forbidden marriages, body snatchers who kiss their own reflections, poets obsessed with long-dead warriors, predatory cougars, lesbians who are in fact the problem, and girls who are in love with a corpse

7,115 notes - Posted June 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[goalkepa]

I just think it's sad to give up on a passion such as gifmaking because people either ignore us or are mean on the tags. And yet I did. Because as much as you do it for yourself, when you start posting it on Tumblr, you cannot help but being affected by blogs blatantly being disrespectful towards us. And every time we point it out, being called "needy" or "dramatic". Also the drama around this wc doesn't help, as I don't feel like following it anyways. Footballblr is just not the same ..

oh dear im sorry that you have to give up on creating gifs because of the unsupportive environment of this platform. as someone who used to be a fulltime (?) gifmaker, i can definitely understand your feelings that even tho mostly we make stuffs for ourselves, its still SO important for us to receive feedback that turned into motivation for creators to do more and more. its not the first day we talked about how important “reblog” is and yet we were being called overreacting by those who never give but only receive. for me personally, all the creations are the only reason i still wanna be on this site. those jokes, memes & banters really aren’t the main things to me. so it really, really made me sad that a lot of content creators stop making contents (including myself?) because of multiple reasons. i remember how active this site was during last world cup, and that there were so many interesting, outstanding gifset every day after the match, the knockout stages, and the finals. stuffs like that made this tournament not just about football itself, but also so many great memories and moments, thats why i tried so hard to make contents for euro last year, even tho footballblr had already been dead since then, i made contents because i wanted to keep something on my blog, for myself, and for those who appreciate the hard work gifmakers had put into, and i believe this is the belief some of the gifmakers still hold in their hands.

im not sure about the drama you mentioned. so far, this tournament has created a lot of special memories to me, since my asian teams have done so well, they are the reasons i made gifs about football again. im sorry that you dont feel like following it but its totally fine as long as you did whats the best for yourself. football will not disappear so you can come back to it in anytime when you feel better 😊 footballblr truly hasn’t been the same, but life is just like that, i guess.

[charmed-asylum]

Damnnnnnn CheChe!!! U done unlock my WH level w this chapter. Damn girl if I didn’t think I was deep diving into this chapter this one was the sign seal and deliver okurrrrt. Before we start I want to start it’s long so your gonna see spoilers sorry it’s a reblog but please read this and her other stories bc this chapter here was one of many ( even every chapter of any story is a true reminder of who she is this one is some top level good good)

ALRIGHT AND IIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUR SHITTTTTTTTT okay had to get out my system bc shit went down but I was here for it with my sun-visor and shades living the good life.

Last chapter cliff hanger had me hanging at the edge my seat like damn she gone and add a fuckin mid season finale cliff hanger or something.

Girl can I say only you can have a god damn my wig slip off bc of all this sweat with this love screen with a man like Rafe and wrap that shit with a , “ He wrapped it around you and pulled you against him, mindful of how cold you could get “ girl that had me taking this wig off and shaking a bit bc girl mmm mmm girl in this chapter I had me doing this same shit more then twice .

😪😪😪

THE SHE THING I MEAN CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THAT SHIT I WAIT

When Rafe ask about JJ girl like oh he cares about my friends biiitch stop that lyin he probably saw with his eyes u can see and know this man is trying to pull you away from him . ( and again I say it’s funny I’m like nah in this Rafe actually ain’t the crazy man) “ You knew what he was referring to, and it made you smile. He didn’t like JJ, that was no secret, but you were glad he asked about him because he knew how much you cared about him.”

“I beg him and I beg him to get out, but JJ is one of those people where family is family,” you scoffed. “He’s going to stick by him no matter what, and I hate it.”You had similar thoughts about Rafe, but you kept that to yourself. Sometimes it scared you just how alike he and JJ were, just how much they had in common. You both heard and felt Rafe sigh, and you wondered if his mind had gone to the same place that yours had. “You’re a good friend,” Rafe murmured, and you looked at him just as he brushed a finger down your face. “I like that about you.” You gave him a soft smile. “I try to be.

It’s sad bc idk what we can call this girl she genuinely stuck in a place where she trying to nice I see it and it makes her blind. Bc she cares so much but like in last chapter when JJ knows how she is decide to manipulate ( which for me I’m like zaaaaamn boy you really that desperate) like mmm but for her to say this in away to get this off her chest even tho it’s not like she uses his name I hope Rafe get it . And a clap tho bc she not stupid nor blind like other think like she reminds but like others would want to do if it was reversed she gave him a chance that’s good we finally get announcement 📢

Nos back to my WH SHIT GIRL THAT NECKLACE IS WHAT THAT BC ALOT OF IDEAS CAME IN MY HEAD GIRL IM TOO CRAZY TO BE LEFT W SOMEONE SIMPLE IN SWEET SHIT.

…………. I’m mad bc 😪 shit was just like she said before perfect and I’m like shit this is too nice like we only got to worry about JJ the creep and yandre vibe mother fucker but even this part movie night part was like mmm he ight

After he had apologized, things felt more like what they used to be than they had in a while. You didn’t know if it was because JJ had snapped, letting out everything he’d been keeping inside for months and making you aware of just how much he’d been struggling with this… Or because everything being out and in the open now had relieved him, had been the first necessary step to actually trying now.

I think I see a cycleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ( u know we getting back to this in a minute)

Way you talk about Ward relationship really had me wondering if it’s true like we see Rafe and Ward and Sarah but she ever think 💭 what it’s like for Rafe or oh he crazy he probably did this or that not that I’m his favorite and Rafe only trying to be seen or heard . And as her friend she now sees both sides so how can she truly deal with . Crazy “She’d take it the wrong way, would feel like you were saying she had some blame, and you only just got one friendship back on steady ground. You didn’t want to shake the table on another.”

Look I don’t wanna say it but again I’m gonna put out the fact this man called her a fuckin slut sorry nope slut shame her last chapter ish to give JT sorry shit . Like I understand technically he would understand but I wouldn’t tell JJ anything about Rafe bc he so fuckin manipulative that he make u look back w the wait huh. Think im wrong . She tells him about Rafe and what does he do . Jokes and use that shit against her .

Neatly they reading this chapter 8 times I can finally say they fuckin knew and then wanna guilt trip her was fuck up like how many times did she say it and they forgot. Shows how much they care alot to say but why she feels more free w someone else not her friends mmm to the point she do what ever to keep it .

This part like this really got me feeling I’m in a 4D movie btw bc it felt so real like again going back to what I was saying before like imagine like most siblings feel bc idk about yall but I know the feeling of feeling less then enough and trying to do what ever to get that approval and then get the spit in the face you never cut it bc it’s just I’m a dick saga

Apart of me feel bad bc again who wants to feel your not good enough like why be here and stuff and lord boy totally having those thoughts as he was driving .

Idk why while I’m reading this the song Stan comes to mind and that part at the end when it’s raining and he driving ranting and shit

I mean hot damn

The whole car crash screen had me on the hotline to any bitch better come tho bc I’m about to fuckin lose my shit line .

Level of love this girl has for him is damn like you say what your idea of RIDE OR DIE BITCH DOING IT RIGHT NOW GOD DAMN IT

Now I do want to be that girl butttt JJ A PETTY ASS BITCH BC WHILE EVERYONE ALL oh no poor you JJ OVER IN THE FUCKIN CORNER FACT CHECKING YOUR ASS W EACH LINE

“… your eyes met JJ’s then. He was frowning at you, studying your face, but he pulled you into a hug anyway. He deeply inhaled, breathing you in, and you didn’t want to think about how worried they’d all been. Especially JJ who struggled to let you go.” Like boy just can’t help his creepy ass out can’t he.

Yo Sarah ahah come come next time I tell you to shut the fuck up I mean it okay okay let’s keep the family business out your mouth okay hahaha shit girl like your not much help oh he not herreeeeee okay and neither are my parents so what good sis. Then we got JJ w the ““Ward wouldn’t let Rafe come and see his girlfriend at the hospital after she crashed his car?…“We all know what Rafe is like. Ward’s not gonna stop him from doing what he wants to do…” your heart sank. “So, why wasn’t he at the hospital with you? Why didn’t he at least meet you there? Hmm?” Like mind your business petty pa

Then again like you all her friends she just got in an accident and you wanna have a bunch of oh and ahha and wait a secs moment NOW REALLY OKAY SO ALL THE SHIT WE ALL DO WE GONNA SWEEP UNDER THE RUG BUT U GETA CHANCE TO drag Rafe even tho it gonna pull ur girl down to you do in a heart beat. Bc no lie you all switch up on her real quick like wtf ( sorry but if that was me I be like 💨 oh tia in the Tim’s and thug braids for real )

Welcome back now is this what we call a cycle ⭕️ bc if I’m not mistaken we had last chapter or so ago when JJ decide to be super toxic and nasty and shit at her before and try to play like it was on her.

“I am trying,” was the first thing he said when he forced you to face him. “I promised that I would be better, and I am trying, but you have to meet me halfway.”

You opened your mouth, but he continued.

“What am I supposed to say—do when you wind up in the hospital with bruises and a concussion because your boyfriend snorted a few lines of coke and thought it was a good idea to drive? Tell me how I’m supposed to react to that.”

BOY NOW LETS BE 💯 ight Pope John B even Sarah example of trying you. YOUUU DIDNT EVEN BAT A MOTHEF FUCKIN EYE LASH TO TRYIN 1st chance you get you always down playing her calling her names and making her feel bad then be all 🥺 boy bye .

Then again he got her thinking she in the wrong now honest should she had took the blame to think the worst and someone could of died no no she shouldn’t but still she was thinking of Rafe and the trouble he was in so her being the to she is bf if it was JJ she would of done same shit toooooooo she did it but bitch boy forgot that shit real quick mmm

THEN HE DID IT LIKE THIS IS UR BEST FRIEND BUT ITS NOT RAFE WHO MAKES HER CRY ( besides pleasure or holy shit we about to die bc of the car crash ) but you .

NAHHH NOPE HAHA HE TRYYYYY IT OH DONT COME NON OF YALL COME TIL U COME CORRECT OKAY I WANT A SORRY A GET WELL CARD W A TEDDY AND FLOWERS AND A SIDE OF A 10$ or more gift card to a official place and JJ to get a nerve . Shit like no thank god she alive we all dumb and so shit nope you slow af no thank you for thinking of my dad . You alive okay but girl next time think about logics of what could have happen u is poor girl nope YOU STUPID LIKE YOUR MOMMA. And if toooooper catch me outside boy did speak to Sarah then you telling me he didn’t mention to Sarah how he had to pull him back for going after her . Folks are funny bc they only remember what they want to when they want to bet next time it be like yea girl he did mention how hard Rafe tried to get to you but you was trying to protect him . Nope you stupid ass bitch .

Also side note if papa Cameron don’t have respect for our girl doing this he stupid . Mmm mmm mmm but to wrap it up I knew I hit my level bc after all of this this ending had me hitting new heights as reader and how I was emotionally and mentally at

“He didn’t respond to that, only nodding in defeat, not putting up a fight when you pulled him to lay down with you. When you kissed him, he seemed hesitant to kiss you back, your hands on his as you guided them over your skin. At some point, he didn’t need your help, fully being hit with the knowledge that things could’ve gone so wrong. Rafe was afraid to let you go, and even after you came around him for the third time, he still refused to let you go.”

The Less I Know The Better IX (JJ Maybank x Reader x Rafe Cameron)

Warnings: eventual NON-CON, eventual DUB-CON, jealousy, manipulation, DUI, mentions of blood, underage drinking, drug use, mild unhealthy relationship, eventual violence, one sided kiara x jj, non canon ages, pogue!reader

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies​ | divider by @firefly-graphics​

➥ series masterlist

summary:  When you start dating Rafe Cameron, no one is more surprised than you when your best friend JJ takes it really well. However, no one is more surprised than JJ when he’s forced to see his once frumpy BFF in an entirely new light, suddenly terrified of losing what he never knew he had to the person he hates most.

Keep reading

[velvetyh]

it’s meiiii

oh! that sounds SOOO nice, i’m glad that you’re back in your hometown, chilling for a few days. hope that you’re enjoying your time <33 you deserve it !

no like, i get what you mean. i HATE these kind of situations SO much bc it lowkey feels like you need to idk… “sacrifice” something. like, you like the job itself but your colleagues not so much (or at all), so it’s like - you either let go of the good job in order to keep your peace of mind OR you tolerate ugly people so you can keep the good job… sigh…

i can’t only pray for you and hope that some clarity gets send to you. and you should know that whatever decision you take, it's okay, it's the right one - don't regret it, don't look back and think "i should have...", no, you took a decision that, at the time you did, you believed was the right one ! that’s it, don’t look further into it. and remember, sometimes we must let go of certain things, of certain opportunities, close a few doors so new ones can open ! believe in yourself, babe. you got this <3

GIRL be so fr, you’re talking to someone with a PhD in yapping lmaooo we should probably use messages more often so we actually gossip about our lives and so 🙂‍↕️

i knowwwww, tumblr has become SOOO demotivating ))’: like… almost no one interacts any more, very few people reblog and leave tags commenting on your posts, it is so sad actually.

also, i’d love for you to give me an honest (not brutal, just honest😔) review on my last cobtober chap cause’ i actually lowkey hated the result… and it just made me want to never again write “sub” jacob, like ever 😭 ITS JUST NOT FOR ME

thank you so much, you’re so sweet ily :( i’m also grateful to be back home but it’s so hard to stay only a week there 🥹

im trying to chill but with my dad around, its not that easy :// but i try nonetheless!!

yeah, i really feel like i need to choose between having a good job and shitty colleagues or nice colleagues and a shitty job… plus if you switch jobs to another company, hoping for change, you never know if it’s going to be better, or worse. my current colleagues are nice (most of them), but i know they wouldn’t hesitate to stab me in the back if it could get them a promotion or appear nice to the boss. so i just stay professional and distant, but then i get remarks that im not opening up enough to my colleagues and i don’t want to integrate myself in the team. im not going to give weapons to my "enemies" to stab me!!

it’s really sweet of you to keep me in your prayers, it really means a lot to me 🫶🏼🥺 it’s hard for me to have some clear-headedness in this cloudy part of my life, i play it by ear and it’s really not that easy when you have very various opinions around you, telling you to do this and that or no wait, do this and that instead.

your words really mean the world to me :( i made some decisions in the past that made me doubt myself and i still feel guilty about them today… thank you, really 🫶🏼

i love how easy it is to talk to you, youre so sweet and i love getting messages from you !! we should totally message more sissldfjsns id really love to!

yeah, it’s so sad how tumblr has become a ghosted place… i know i didn't help the cause bc i kinda disappeared for a year bc of writer’s block but i hadn't expected the place to be this deserted lol

i know i said id give you feedback on your project yesterday (im so sorry i haven't said anything yet) but my mom dragged me to her friend’s house to say hello and i was unable to touch my phone for the day. today im going shopping so when i get back home ill write you an ask about it (honest, not brutal 🫶🏼) so you can choose whether you want to post it or keep it for yourself 🫶🏼

[hotshotshitshow]

im not trying to be mean forreal but you arent gonna have people rbing your stuff if you don't tag it! 2 give an example your most recent piece has 7 tags total, two of which are personal tags that no ones gonna search so lets say 5. in addition to the ones you included which werent bad you should also include stuff like the medium (ex: #traditional art) and of course #artists on tumblr. tagging aesthetics that fit also goes a long way. plus a (no guilt) caption requesting that people boost your work. something important to keep in mind with tumblr is that its really good for circulating art LONG term rather than most social media platforms which prioritize feeding the neverending ratrace for whatevers trending. I am in no way a big name artist but my most circulated posts come from people tag searching and queueing. obvs theres usually gonna be the most attention over the first few days but also give it time! don't be afraid to repost or find niches who will circulate your stuff. post art and then link it in oc discords, too this isnt meant to admonish you btw more it makes me sad to see you get discouraged. you have a unique and compelling artstyle with genuinely swagful characters so the idea of you peacing out saddens my heart. i hope this helps, cya

Hey first off. I genuinely appreciate this, I am ngl I knew I shouldn't have posted that last night cuz I knew I'd be embarrassed about it later and well!! Here I am, feeling like a damn fool!! Sincerely tho, your words do mean a lot.

However, the one thing that trips me up is that back when I did use Tumblr more regularly, like several years ago, they had made it so that only the first five tags on a post were searchable, and everything else wasn't visible in tag searches. Has this changed? It's been a long time and I have no idea what's changed with Tumblr in the past few years but I've just been operating on the assumption that only the first five tags "count." Also I am just ... Not good at knowing what to tag things other than in the most straightforward way possible 😬

I definitely absolutely get discouraged way way way too quickly and I acknowledge that, it comes from years of a building frustration of posting on social media and never feeling like it goes anywhere while also watching those around me grow their followings. It's come to a point where it feels like if something I post "fails" then it tanks my mood on a hair trigger. And it's not healthy!!! This is largely why I've stopped posting publicly anywhere. Bc the reaction I've built up is so instantaneous and intense that it's completely unhealthy for me. Sorry to vent at you!! It's all just sort of coming out. I've absolutely poisoned the way I view interaction on social media for myself and it feels very entrenched and I don't really know what to do about it.

I want to share my art with people and I want them to like my art and asking for reblogs directly on art posts is something that always felt gross to me but idk maybe that's what I gotta do. I have this notion in my mind tho that if my art is good and people like it, they'll reblog it because they want to, not because I asked them to. It doesn't feel like people are sharing my art bc they genuinely like it if they're doing it bc I asked them to. And then people don't reblog my art, so it gets interpreted as "well, I guess nobody thinks my art is very good, otherwise they'd want to share it!"

This all feels very immature of me and I hate that this is how I feel. I definitely am very deeply in the mindset now of "well, nobody appreciated my art much when I did post it, so now nobody gets to see it anymore." Idk how to grow past this tbh. I am absolutely only shooting myself in the foot. Oh well whatever!!!

Anyway. Thank you again for this, and also if you did actually read this, thank you for your time and energy. I don't think you were being mean at all, you said what is true, I think. I hope you have a lovely day.

[philadelphiadisneyhole]

tw: abusive workplaces & also long ass post

Lets go thru every job ive had and the ways theyve forced me into being a part of institutional capitalist violence.... My first job at a bagel shop wed throw away 2 trash bags full of bagels most days. Sometimes ppl took them for stuff but only 2-3 times a week, and my boss had cameras on the dumpster and NO DUMPSTER DIVING signs everywhere.

I did 2 different telefunding jobs for universities, this ones not as obvious I gues but I think fundraising is kinda manipulative and gross. Like we HAD to do those 3 asks or maybe your boss would be listening in to your call and youd get a strike. My first strike was because I didnt keep pressing a woman who said she cldnt afford to donate because she had just sunk so much into her sons cancer treatment, only to find out recently she herself had cancer as well. Idk why colleges need so much money from alumni when fucking they make so much in tuition.

not quite the same thing, but i worked at a restauraunt paying minimum wage despite being one of the most popular and beloved joints in the area. The work culture was so horrifically misogynist, i didnt wanna stand up for myself or other nonmale coworkers bc the harassment wld be relentless. i couldnt stop covering shifts for the assholes who made fun of me for a whole 6 hr shift for being bi because i needed the money. Like its an open secret locally that its a shit place to work but no change will ever be made.

Also not quite the same thing but when i was a canvasser here in phl i used to sit in starbucks and shit w/o buying anything to keep warm and take breaks. Months later at the same starbucks id loiter at, a black man had the police called on him for doing the same thing. The exact same store.

When i worked at the hershey museum a documentary came out exposing the whole cocoa industry for using child labor & slavery--something hershey has been doing since its founding. We were given a fun lil statement to memorize and rattle off to anybody who asked us abt hersheys involvement in the unethical cocoa industry. They Paid Me 12 Dollars An Hour To Be a Propaganda Mouthpiece For A Multibillion Dollar Corporation.

And like i said in the notes of the post i reblogged, i worked at a corner store w/ extremely racist and anti-homeless bosses. I had a man threaten to shoot my coworker and i when he tried to stop him from shoplifting like. 1 case of beer. The reason I had to quit was bc they put a sensor in the corner of the store we cldnt see as well where ppl shoplifted the most-it was the section where we sold toiletries, which unhoused ppl need so desperately- and it would sound out a little chime so we would know to look up and watch the cameras. I was getting pavlovian dog trained to stop ppl from stealing SOAP!!!

TLDR; just abt every workplaces not only exploits its workers, but forces the employees to participate in the exploitation of others and the overall system of abusive low wage labor. and it is is so. demoralizing. dehumanizing... thats why ppl load themselves up w hours so theyre too tired when they get home to even think abt how shit their life is. somethings GOT TO GIVE!!!!!!